Condolences

A widow of only a few months goes out on her first date since the death of her husband. They have a great evening but when he makes a move, she holds him back saying, “I can’t. I’m wearing black knickers because I’m still in mourning for my husband.”

They continue to date, although it never goes past a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening.

Then a few weeks later in the middle of a passionate embrace, he gets out a packet of black condoms.

“What are those for?” she asks.

“I’d like to give you my condolences!” he replies.

Complaints

A man was walking along the street with two screaming babies under his arm.

“Dear me!” exclaimed a passer-by. “They must be hungry, why don’t you feed them? You can’t be much of a father.”

“Listen lady,” said the man impatiently. “I’m not their father. I’m a condom salesman and I’m taking these two complaints back to the company.”

Large

“Do you sell extra large condoms?” the woman asked the chemist.

“Yes we do,” he said, “would you like a packet?”

“No thanks, but do you mind if I wait here until somebody does?”

Order

A man walked into a chemist shop and asked the feisty young salesgirl for one hundred condoms.

“Well fuck me!” she exclaimed.

“In that case, make it 101,” he replied.