April Fool

The judge looked at the old woman and said, “Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say in your defence?”

The old woman got to her feet and replied, “Yes, Your Honour. The evening that it happened, I was sitting quietly on my porch when this beautiful young man came up to me and started to kiss my hand. Then he kissed my face and began rubbing himself up against me. He put his hands underneath my blouse and fondled my breasts. It was so wonderful, I opened my legs, Your Honour, and asked him to go all the way.”

The old woman shook her head sadly as she remembered that evening. She continued, “That’s when he laughed and said April Fool! So I picked up my rifle and shot him.”

Rusty Weapon

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”

“Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”

“About 5 times a year.”

“Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”


“Will the defendant please rise,” said the judge. “Madam, you have been found guilty of killing your husband by pushing him off a 10-storey balcony. Before I pass sentence, is there anything you would  like to say?”

“Yes, Your Honour,” said the 84-year-old woman.

“When I came home and found my husband in bed with another woman I guessed that if he could make love aged 96 years old, he could also fly.”


The couple had been out on their first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled with her clothes, she said,

“You know I’m not that sort of girl really.”

“I know,” he replied, somewhat distracted. The girl burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked looking alarmed.

“You… You’re the first one,” she sobbed.

“What? The first one to make love to you?”

“No, the first one to believe I’m not that kind of girl,” she replied.


A young couple were parked in Lovers Lane and after a bout of heavy petting, the boy whispered urgently.

“Go on Cath, let me put it in.”

“Oh no”, she replied, “We said we’d wait until we were married.”

“Well just a little” he gasped “let me just put the head in to see what it’s like.”

She finally agreed but as soon as he began, he got carried away and thrust as far as he could go, in and out frantically.

“Oh George!” exclaimed the girl, “I can’t wait, I can’t wait, put it all in, please!”

George thought quickly and replied, “Oh no Cath, we can’t, remember our promise...”